Because breathing is something we do all the time without thinking, we tend to take it for granted. But our breath can be a force for radical change in our lives. Buddha advocated breath meditation as a way to achieve enlightenment. Scientific studies have found that deep breathing, also known as “diaphragmatic breathing,” reduces stress, lowers our heart rate and blood pressure and boosts our immune system. Perhaps, most significantly, our breath can give us the space to choose who we want to be in the world.

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When we are feeling stressed or triggered by someone, taking a moment to breathe deeply before responding can make all the difference in our interaction. Taking a long deep breath helps us to calm down and avoid saying something we might later regret. It creates a moment for us to step back, observe what is happening and consider how we want to respond. In that fraction of a moment, we have the opportunity to choose the person we want to be. Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl expressed this freedom we possess when we take a moment to breathe deeply with these words: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”

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The Covid-19 pandemic has put untold stress on us and our relationships. Even before the pandemic, a 2017 survey by the American Psychological Association found that stress was keeping 48% of us up at night and having a negative impact on our professional and personal lives. Sadly, stress is also taking a heavy toll on our children. Anxiety disorders affect 1 in 8 American children, with approximately 25% of adolescents between 13 and 18 years of age suffering from an anxiety disorder. Worries about doing well in school, peer acceptance and an uncertain future are causing enormous stress in our children. Children also notice and react to stress in their families. The stress we carry and how we express our stress at home has a direct impact on our children’s mental health and well-being.

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Deep breathing is a tool you can use to help manage your stress both for yourself and for your loved ones. The simple practice of breathing deeply in for 5 seconds, holding your breath for 3 seconds, then exhaling slowly for 5 can help calm your nerves so that you’re better able to give the people in your life the attention and care they deserve. The more you incorporate this simple technique of breathing deeply (the 5-3-5 practice as we like to call it) into your daily life, the more space you will be giving yourself to act on your freedom. Our breath may seem unexceptional, but it can make the difference between creating a life we want and stumbling through a life that feels foisted on us. 

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The great news about our breath is that, unlike yoga classes or meditation retreats, it is free and always available to us. No matter where we are or what we might be doing, we can always take a moment to breathe deeply and ground ourselves in the present moment. The only obstacle preventing us from doing so is ourselves. We’ve grown so accustomed to our shallow breathing, also known as “chest breathing”, that deep breathing can feel abnormal and unnecessary. But it’s our shallow breathing that is unnatural. By failing to get a full dose of oxygenated air into the lowest parts of our lungs, our shallow breathing makes us feel short of breath and actually adds to our anxiety. Deep breathing is how we relax into ourselves and find refuge.

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So, you’re walking into a big meeting, take a moment to breathe. Your child is pushing all your buttons, breathe deeply before responding. You’re stuck in traffic, take a long deep breath, exhale slowly then take another one, until you find your inner calm again. Start getting into the habit of using your breath to nurture your growth and freedom.